Whod you bang
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
