Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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