how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
