I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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