someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
