it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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