how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Boobs speak an international language.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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