Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize