Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
