just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Who died my cat blue again?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
