I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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