If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
