your thong is hanging out like whoa
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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