I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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