Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
