I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
