i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
