I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The power of my boobs compel you
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
