I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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