the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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