The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
