Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
