Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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