Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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