my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
