end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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