literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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