I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
