i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
