He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
