We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
