god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
a search helicopter?!
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
