did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
