We won't sleep together?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
