a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
