he puts the penis in happiness.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
