you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
