I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize