he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
