ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
