we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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