my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
