tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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