If that was your dad, he is hot
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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