HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
