Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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