Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my being single is dangerous.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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