Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
