the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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