In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
