hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
