why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
