Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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