When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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