Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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