i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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