you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Randomize
