Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
