Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
As shirtless as possible
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
