Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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