I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
