you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
