you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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