best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
