Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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