Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
