somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
