Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
