toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
