How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
