You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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