it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
