take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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